The conflict is the most normal and natural in the world. Conflicts can destroy an infinite amount, but can also be "productive" in the best sense. A short war makes better headlines than a long peace. Newspapers live on it, but also television news and special broadcasts.
Conflict - a word?
If one looks at a few meters of literature on the subject, then jumps to avoid the avoidant: "conflict-free lead", "how to resolve conflicts" and "coping positively with conflicts" is called there. "Conflict" seems to be a nonsense, something that you experience as negative, that you like to avoid. There are not least historical reasons for this. There is a deep mistrust of the competitive mechanisms of a liberal society in our society. "Community Harmony Consistency" are the equally illusory as persistently summoned ideals.
Conflicts are completely normal!
Here, conflict is the most normal and most natural thing in the world: because each person is unique, because he is different, has other experiences, has become successful in other ways, has different expectations, has other interests. It is the scandal of "being different" that makes it difficult for us to deal with conflicts. Conflicts play an important role in the daily lives of humans.
In many relationships and companies, a deficient handling of dissent and the "otherness of the other" destroys an infinite amount of motivation. Because only superficially you fight with soft bandages, but with all the harder under the table. But any conflict solution that produces a loser does not work. You will be hard-pressed with problems solving problems afterwards.
7 pitfalls of conflict resolution
But what can be stumbling blocks and pitfalls when it comes to dealing constructively with a conflict:
- Harmony addiction. The penchant for harmony, conformism and excessive safety thinking subliminally spread conflicts.
- The Silent Spiral. One is silent because one does not want to disturb the "good peace", the opinion trend goes in a different direction or a so-called authority person leaves no doubt about his assertiveness.
- A wrong caring. You want to spare the others. But sparing someone else means disempowering someone. One stands over him, evaluates him, explains him implicitly to the nursing case.
- Taboos. They not only complicate, they make every possible solution impossible. If there is a taboo, then the taboo is the problem.
- Pseudosolidarity and bearing thinking. The good guys, the bad guys. We do not hurt each other, but on the other we hit it. Friendly, of course.
- Premature presumption of causality. "Who is guilty?" and "Who started?" - These two questions lead to drama with mechanical certainty.
- The "only possible solution". Premature solution fixation means that people do not talk with each other in an open-ended way, but rather that everything that does not correspond to the "only possible solution" is filtered out in a highly selective way, which is the prelude to the new conflict.
Use conflicts as opportunities
Any change in a status quo, any negotiation is initially conflicting. Conversely, this means that freedom from conflict is, for example, unrealistic in relationships, among siblings, in mixed teams. However, the greater the difference in the position of the participants, the more the conflict competence becomes an important skill.
Conflicts - if handled constructively - not only bind a lot of energy, they are also productive in the best sense. They point to different expectations, perspectives and possibilities. And they increase the complexity, that is the farsightedness and complexity of a person or a team and thus offer the opportunity to solve problems, to find clarifications and to develop further.